


touch what my heart used to dream of

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Smut, Infidelity, M/M, kind of, kind of rockstar!everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 13:30:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>If you ask Louis if he fell in love with Zayn at first sight, he’ll say no; he never fell in love with him and that he never will. If you ask Zayn, he’ll give you the same answer, but when Louis leaves the room he’ll say he fell in love with him the moment their eyes met.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or the milestones of ZaynandLouis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	touch what my heart used to dream of

**Author's Note:**

> let's (try to) make this note short and sweet.  
> This was written for [this](http://delicious.com/redirect?url=http%3A//1dkinkmeme.livejournal.com/6856.html%3Fthread%3D8291016%26%23t8291016) prompt off the kinkmeme, originally for ziall, but is now zouis. I did change it, find that version [here](http://lirriy.tumblr.com/milestones).  
> this is sadly unbeta'd :( but I tried my hardest to make this the best I could and I hope you all enjoy it~  
> (also warning for my abuse on italics lol)

If you ask Louis if he fell in love with Zayn at first sight, he’ll say no; he never fell in love with him and that he never will. If you ask Zayn, he’ll give you the same answer, but when Louis leaves the room he’ll say he fell in love with him the moment their eyes met. He knows it’s cheesy, and he knows that Louis’ll give him a whack over the back of his head for it, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t think he ever will.

But the thing with Louis is that he’s prideful, although his best friend, Liam, thinks it’s just because he’s bashful. He promised himself that he’d never fall in love after his father left his mother ages before he met Zayn. And Zayn wasn’t his type anyways, but that’s a different story. Louis just swore he wouldn’t do it and he swears he never will, except that he did and a long time ago too, but he won’t admit it.

But he’s alone now, reminiscing in all the steps in took to get there as he lay in bed. Zayn’s gone again, off for work and it’s times like these that Louis hates, but loves because he gets to remember why he’s even there. He gets the chance to silently confess to himself that he fell in love with Zayn so long ago and smile stupidly at the simple thought. He remembers everything and loves that he does. 

—x—

Louis remembers when they first met because they’d stayed up all night together.

—x—

Liam had dragged him off one Saturday night, claiming that he needs to get back out on the scene since all he’d done was mope ever since Niall left him with nothing but a broken heart. (“Louis, he cheated; forget him. You’ve got a nice arse anyways, anybody’ll be lucky to have you!”) He’s persistent but the second he’s in a snug, yet fashionable outfit, they’re out the door. He really doesn’t want to go, because he’s still not over Niall. They’d been together for two years, and even though he wasn’t _in_ love with him, it still hurt when he found him balls deep in some guy named Josh in _his_ bed.

But when they arrive at some venue called _Ranks_ it’s too late to turn back. Liam tugs him inside, their hands clasped together as they scamper through the (really small) crowd. Liam’s smiling widely and Louis really wants to question it because Liam hasn’t been this happy since, well, since ever. After a few minutes, they’re at the stage of this small place and more people have filed in. 

It wasn’t until then does Louis actually notice what everyone is murmuring about and the sign that is actually hanging up at the back of the stage. The words, _b Flats_ are scrawled across it in big letters, the letter ‘b’ sure enough being the symbol for a flat. Louis can’t help but giggle because that’s clever, and he really wants to high five who ever came up with that. 

“You having fun?” Liam’s voice cuts Louis out of his thoughts and he hums before shaking himself out of the small trance he’d been in. He shrugs then, looking around at the (maybe near one hundred) people that are there, crowding to be near the stage. 

“Nothing much going on,” he replies. He looks back at Liam with a small smile on his lips and Liam claps a hand on his shoulder as if he knows why this is. Louis shrugs it off, chuckling lightly at his best friend. “Li, I’m just bored. What’re we doing here, anyways?” 

Liam blushes softly at first. Louis questions it inwardly because since when did Liam blush? “A friend of mine is performing with his band tonight.” And oh—Louis thinks he knows who he’s talking about until—“Harry. Remember him?” And yeah, he knows, and only because he listened to Liam talk about the boy so many times. Wiggling his eyebrows, he nudges Liam with his elbow and snickers.

“Does Wittle Wiam have a crush on a bandboy?” Louis teases, a smirk clear on his lips while mirth plays in his eyes to match. Liam’s about to altercate with a huff, but the lights dim, and there’s a loud voice announcing the beginning of the performance. 

Four guys enter the the stage where there’d been a keyboard and a set of doublebase drums already set up. There’s a boy who’s with a white shirt on (Louis guesses it’s affiliated with Frank Ocean by the front design) and black skinny jeans. He’s got one of the longest torsos that Louis’ ever seen and from the corner of his eye he can see Liam biting his lip as he eyes the curly-haired boy up and down. He comes to the conclusion that this is the boy, Harry, that Liam met at the coffee shop he works at. 

Right behind him is a boy about the same height as him, a bit of fuzz on his face while he carries a pair of drumsticks. He’s wearing an L.A. Laker’s shirt and Louis snickers because they _don’t even live in Los Angeles._ But that’s fine, he guesses, and just watches as the rest file on stage. The guy behind him looks a bit older, but he’s still attractive—like, really attractive. His hair is styled into somewhat of a quiff but it’s a bit lazy and he’s just gone casual for this.

But oh—the last one. The last one that comes on stage with a guitar strapped to himself _really_ catches Louis’ eye. He’s got these defined, sun-kissed cheek bones and even from his spot on the floor, Louis can see dozens of eyelashes that flutter down quickly, yet gracefully to touch upon his seemingly smooth skin. It seems as if everything’s going in slow motion now as the boy runs his hand through his thick, dark hair, and Louis really wants to do the same. He bites his lip because wow, this boy is _gorgeous_ and Louis wants to reach out and run his hands over every part of his bo—

“That’s Harry.” Once again, Liam’s little titter snaps Louis out of his (really, really great) thoughts. He looks at his best friend who’s adoringly staring up at the tall, unruly-haired boy he’d seen earlier. “He’s the lead singer,” Liam adds, unaware that he doesn’t really have Louis’ full attention but he doesn’t care because _Harry_ and wow, he’s whipped already.

Louis smiles a bit; it’s nice to see Liam this way. After four years of living with the guy he’d never seen him like this before and he can get used to it. “He looks nice,” Louis says as the band gets set up on stage. The one with the drumsticks is obviously sitting down behind the drums and the other is taking his place behind the keyboard. The boy Louis had his eye on is hooking his guitar up to an amplifier and Louis’ heart stops again because he can take a picture of that and put it on Tumblr. But he doesn’t and instead he just sighs (and he swears it’s not dreamily, to this day). “Do you know their names?” He asks Liam when he finally decided that staring was rude. 

“Um, yeah,” Liam says and tears his own eyes away from Harry, scanning the stage. “That’s Nick,” he points to the guy behind the keyboard, “Harry’s closest friend, besides me.” He giggles again, clearly finding amusement in his own joke. “And that there is Danny. He’s a friend of Zayn’s, the guy with the guitar.” He pointed at the drummer first then at the boy Louis was dying to know the name of—Zayn. The way his heart is beating makes him feel like a teenage girl with her first crush but he brushes it off as an affect of the people crowding around him now. 

“They’ve just started out big,” Liam informs his friend and Louis doesn’t want to be rude and say that he really doesn’t care. But he listens anyways, nodding his head with a sigh. “Okay, well not big. They’ve done about, two gigs. This is their third and biggest yet. I mean, their last one was a wedding and before that it was a sixteen year old’s birthday party. So this is improvement, I guess,” Liam continues, leaning over the railing they’ve got infront of the stage. For safety issues, Louis guesses. “They only do covers as of now, too. Harry told me he’s got Stevie Wonder ready for to night.” 

Louis’ about to ask who in the world Stevie Wonder is but the lights are dimming and Harry’s infront of the mic stand, clearing his throat. The speakers squeal as the mic gives off feedback and a pinkish colour dusts over Harry’s cheeks before he fixes the problem. 

“Hey, there,” he speaks into the microphone, smiling bashful and Louis can’t help but think this boy is cute because he is a bundle of adorable. “Um so, we’re The B Flats and we’re going to sing a little for you guys,” he concludes. Harry tries to grin at the crowd because they’re dead silent and Louis swears he can hear crickets creak somewhere in the distant.

There’s a few hits of the drums first and when Zayn jumps in with the guitar Louis nearly lets out a sigh of relief for them because people are starting to get in with it. The people around him are nodding their heads with the beat and Louis can’t help but do the same. 

But his eyes are glued on Zayn, watching as his (ohmygodthosearehuge) hands strum the guitar quickly, the noise that emits from it sending a chill down Louis’ spine. Danny’s doing his thing while Nick is jamming out on the sound effected keyboard. Louis leans over to Liam so he can ask what song this is but he just gets a, “Shush, Lou,” in response so he does while people are starting to get more into it.

Then Louis understands _why_ Liam had been so on about getting him quiet because then Harry’s belting out _very superstitious_ and a few lines later there’s a groaned out _superstition ain’t the way._ Louis’ amazed because wow, this guy can sing. Despite the fact that he doesn’t know the song or who Stevie Wonder even is, he likes it already and he smiles widely at the way Liam looks like a thirteen year old girl obsessing over her favourite boy band. But it’s just Harry and he knows that because he’s the exact same way with Zayn but of course he won’t admit it.

The night goes great from then on and it’s the first time Louis’ had fun since Niall left three weeks earlier. The crowd actually got into it a lot, cheering and screaming for more. Louis got to see Liam fangirl and when he tells him that on the way backstage to meet The B Flats, he gets scolded by Liam as he tries to insist that he’s a fan _boy_. 

There’s a line of people at the door to get backstage, but with a few words with the large man guarding it from Liam, they’re back to meet the four boys that did such a great job that night. Then Louis spots Zayn and he’s so much closer and drenched with sweat and practically glowing and Louis really wants to squeal until he reminds himself that he doesn’t even know the guy and he doesn’t even look like his type.

“Liam!” Louis hears followed by a giggled, “Hazza!” He smiles at his best friend as the two hug. He wants to think it’s gross because Harry’s all sticky with sweat from dropping to his knees in the middle of a cover of a song by The Foo Fighters. He’s sees Danny and Nick putting away their things, leaving Zayn to put away his own guitar. 

He’s stuck watching Zayn until he realizes that he isn’t even _there_ anymore, but he’s with the rest of the band now who are being introduced to Liam for the first time. Liam tugs on his wrist, pulling him into their little huddle and now he’s even closer to Zayn. Out of nervousness, the first thing he asks is, “So who came up with the sign idea?”

They all smile at his bashful demeanor. “I did.” And it’s Harry to finally speak but then Zayn’s hitting the back of his head, making him groan.

“You little twat, don’t lie,” he says with faux anger before trapping Harry in a head lock, roughly running his knuckles over the top of his head. “But seriously, don’t lie,” he deadpans and let’s go of Harry. “I came up with it.” Zayn looks over at Louis with a gentle grin and Louis tries to stop the blood from rushing to his cheeks but it’s too late so he just nods at Zayn. 

It’s quiet for a second before Liam clears his throat and smiles at the band. “So um, this is Louis,” he says and puts his hand on the small of his back, pushing him closer. “He’s a friend of mine and he’s had a few rough weeks, so I brought him out. You guys really loosened him up, so thanks.”

“Anytime, Liam,” Harry replies softly, slinging an arm around his friends shoulder, making Liam blush yet again. “A friend of yours is a friend of ours,” he adds with a small chuckle. 

Louis admires the way Harry’s making Liam react and he’s too caught up that for once so that he’s surprised when Zayn pats his shoulder. “Oh, sorry,” he apologizes and looks down at his feet, the blush still on his cheeks.

Zayn hums, chuckling at Louis softly. But he doesn’t speak. He just...watches for a moment, and looks, letting his eyes drift across the other’s rosy tinted face. The smile on his lips becomes adoring and when Louis looks back up, he wonders why. 

“So, I’m starved.” Danny breaks the silence in the room and now he’s stripping off his Laker’s shirt to put on an Oakland Raider’s shirt and Louis really wants to ask if he likes the Dodger’s too because it seems as if this guys really likes California. “Who’s going to make the run?”

Nick is cancelling himself out of that as he mumbles something incoherent (Louis thinks it’s something about him always having to do everything) and walks to the bathroom, the door shutting harshly behind him. Harry’s too caught up with talking to Liam to even know that Danny wants food. And Danny’s obviously not going; he’s the one who asked. 

And then there were two. 

Zayn groans because he knows he’s stuck with this job now so he looks at Louis with a small, hopeful smile. “Go with me?” 

Louis’ shocked to say nonetheless because he doesn’t even know this guy and he’s asking him to go somewhere with him. But then he has to remind himself that this is not even a date and no matter how much he wants it to be, he won’t admit it, of course. 

He nods anyways though and he doesn’t even say goodbye to Liam. Danny’s shouting after them, telling Zayn that they’ll be home by the time he’s done, so just go there. Zayn waves him off and the next thing Louis knows is that he’s walking with him to a convenience store down the street. There’s a bit of a silence because yeah, it’s kind of awkward. Although, Louis doesn’t mind. Not with the way their hands keep bumping together and when Zayn breaks the silence, he smiles.

“I’m Zayn,” he says simply. Louis thinks that was appropiate long ago but he replies with a gentle, “Louis,” anyways. 

“I don’t know if it’s just me,” Zayn speaks again, laughing to himself, “but I think Liam and Harry fancy each other.” And Louis giggles; he really _giggles_ in front of Zayn and he doesn’t even _blush_ about it. 

“Well, I’m sure the Queen knows that too, Zayn,” he replies in a snarky tone. Looking over at Zayn, he smiles softly, watching as the moonlight glisten in the brown eyes of the boy besides him. Then their eyes _meet_ and Louis tries not to gasp, so he bites his lower lip instead. “But I think so too.” And he manages to not squeak as he says this.

Zayn hums again in response and looks ahead. Louis does the same.

They stay silent for the most part, the only sound that can be heard being the sound of their feet clunking on the pavement. But there’s small talk here and there and at one point Louis asks Zayn to tell him about himself and the band. It’s interesting because Louis learns a lot more than expected. He learned that Zayn left his home in Bradford to come help the band, along with Danny. Turns out Nick came with Harry where’d they’d shared a flat over in Holmes Chapel. “Don’t ask us how we even came together, because I don’t even know,” Zayn had joked and Louis laughed because they seem like a great group of friends. 

Then he learns that they all live together, too, in a small house that’s a bit ways down the street as well, and that they even share a car. Louis thinks it’s funny but doesn’t say a word, letting Zayn finish talking. He learns a lot, and he doesn’t mind that he already feels like he _knows_ Zayn. 

Even though all of that felt like an hour to Louis, it had only been ten minutes because he can see the convenience store lights. But then he’s confused when they pass it and Zayn’s still smiling to himself, so he really doesn’t know what to do other than tap his shoulder.

“The store’s back there,” he tells him and Zayn nods his head, making Louis quirk his brow. “Don’t you have to get food?” Louis questions, actually worried that the band would get mad at Zayn if he forgot.

“No money,” Zayn supplies, chuckling. “Well, I have money. Just not for them.” And oh—they’re _those_ group of friends. Louis laughs though, and it’s not like he minds spending time with Zayn (he says he does, but it’s not true). “And plus, it’s midnight. They’ll be knocked out when we get back.”

Louis just nods his head and they continue walking to God knows where.

And they keep walking, talking about things—stupid things. There’s talk about the band and even why Louis was out that night, why he’d been moping and it ended with Zayn wrapping his arm around a teary-eyed Louis. Once that had passed their was speaking of music and Louis let’s Zayn know that he really admired tonight even though he didn’t know half the songs, resulting in a booming Zayn. (“What do you _mean_ you don’t know who Stevie Wonder is!”) 

But then after that, Zayn fills Louis in on who exactly Stevie Wonder is and what a wonder the man is by singing his own little rendition of My Cherie Amour. Louis can’t help but be mesmerized by the way Zayn drawls out _how I wish that you were mine._ And then Louis shares his love for The Fray with Zayn and even sings a small verse from How To Save A Life for him. He giggles at the faux, enthusiastic claps he gets and just rolls his eyes, smiling at what he’d like to call his new friend. 

By the end of the night, they both realize that it’s not even night anymore and it’s just the crack of dawn. The sun is peeking over the horizon, and Louis doesn’t realize that he’s even tired until he yawns and rests his head on Zayn’s shoulder while his feet ache and his stomach growls with a need for food and water. Zayn walks Louis to his place, a small blue house that looks a little run down, where the rest are knocked out, sprawled across the couch and floor. Louis guesses they stayed up waiting for their return. He even spots Liam, somewhat curled into Harry’s side and he nearly gives off an ‘aw’ but Zayn beats him to it.

“I should get Liam home, I’m pretty sure he drove our car over here,” Louis whispers to Zayn and walks over to his best friend, pushing his shoulder. Liam’s up with a jolt, spotting Louis above him. He smiles lazily in which he’s returned with. “C’mon, Li, let’s go,” Louis says and Liam nods before kissing the sleeping Harry’s cheek and getting up silently, trekking out to the car he apparently brought.

“Louis,” comes Zayn’s voice just as Louis’ about to leave too. Louis turns around, raising a tired eyebrow as he hums. “I want to see you again—hang out, if that’s alright,” Zayn murmurs, smiling bashfully for the first time. 

Louis just titters and smiles back. “You’re not my type,” he says and with that, he’s gone, a bigger smile on his lips because he doesn’t regret the up all night talk and he definitely doesn’t regret leaving Zayn to think that his words meant _yes_.

—x—

Louis remembers their first kiss.

—x—

Just like expected, Louis sees Zayn again. And again and again. They go on multiple outings and everytime Zayn goes, “This was a great date,” when he drops Louis off at home, Louis scoffs and says, “It wasn’t a date,” even though it was and he knows it. Part of him is fine with it while the other is scared because he’s getting actually _know_ Zayn and Zayn’s getting to _know_ him and he really doesn’t want another broken heart. 

There’s plenty more concerts at Ranks though and there’s more and more people that attend every Saturday night so that Louis’ actually squished against the railing near the stage as he watches The B Flats. He loves going there now. It’s like a second home to him and Liam and they’re always there to congratulate their friends right afterwards. Louis’ proud, he really is. He’s gotten to know all of them over the course of one and a half months, really, and they’re his friends. 

He likes Danny; he’s a nice guy and he’s even starting to learn how to play the drums because of him. Nick’s nice too, and a bit wiser since he’s just a tad bit older but he’s still young at heart. Even Harry too, and he feels like he’s the closest to Harry as a friend. When he tells Liam that, Liam gets red with jealousy and he won’t stir up the courage to claim Harry as his own but Louis still reassures him that he doesn’t see Harry that way. 

And it’s just another Saturday night concert, maybe the eighth one Louis and Liam have gone to. It’s more packed than it’s ever been before and they actually have to wiggle their way to the front this time since they were a bit late. Liam blames Louis because he just _had_ to spend a little extra time infront of the mirror (and Louis scolds Liam when he accuses him of doing it for Zayn). 

The concert starts quickly and The B Flats enter the stage with large grins when the crowd cheers for them. Louis’ a bit pouty too, because unlike the rest of their concerts, he doesn’t know what they’re performing tonight. Liam does though, but he swore to Harry that he wouldn’t tell Louis for Zayn’s sake. Louis wants to be suspicious, but it’s Zayn’s doing so yeah—he’s suspicious. 

After Harry’s introduction, the audience errupts to show that they’re pumped and ready for this.

But it starts off soft this time. Nick’s playing gentle notes on the keyboard and the crowd has calmed to listen. Louis recognizes them and the song is right there but he just ca—

“I found God…” And Harry’s singing now and Louis _knows_ the song. He looks at Zayn who’s already looking at him with a cheeky grin. Louis smiles back. He can’t believe Zayn remembers because he hasn’t mentioned his love for The Fray since their first night alone. The crowd is already singing along and Harry’s getting more into.

By the chorus, Harry’s hugging the mic stand, singing his heart out into it so the audience is riled up along with him. Louis watches Zayn though because he’s biting his lip and getting into his guitar playing himself. It’s so great and Louis really loses himself in it all. He’s admiring Zayn so much it almost hurts.

The concerts over all too quickly and after a few more Fray songs and a couple by The Killers, Louis’ body is surging with excitement to see Zayn. He and Liam are backstage within minutes and the second Louis sees Zayn he’s running up to him and hugging him with everything he has.

“You liked it, I guess,” Zayn snickers and hugs him back, his arms tight around his waist. Louis kisses his cheek. There’s a wide grin on his pink lips when he pulls his head back to look at Zayn and he nods vigorously, answering with, “It was _amazing_.” 

And they just stare at each other, looking into each other’s eyes. They don’t know who does it first, but one of them leans in and within a few slow moments, their lips are meeting for the very first time. 

Now, Louis never believed in that cliché movie crap where the girl falls in love with the girl and when they first kiss there’s fireworks errupting behind them but also inside their hearts. No, he thought that was stupid because not once did it ever happen to him. But this time—this time it’s different. There’s this buzz being sent down his spine while their lips move slowly against each other, the soft smack of them sounding quietly and it makes him shiver as gooseflesh arrises on his skin. There are no actual fireworks except for Harry, Nick, Danny and even Liam acting like idiots behind them, making fake ‘spchoo’ noises as if there were. 

When they finally decide to pull back, Louis looks over his shoulder with a soft glare but he can’t help but smile at his friends because Zayn is hugging him closer. He’s happier than he’s been in years right now, actually, and he really wants to thank Zayn for that. Instead of saying it, he does it with another sweet kiss.

He doesn’t know exactly what they are when Zayn takes him out for a late cup of coffee that night and walks him home. He really wants to believe they’re something more than just friends when he kisses him goodnight before walking home himself. He really doesn’t know, but he doesn’t care for now. Instead he just cherishes the tingle that Zayn’s lips left on his own.

—x—

Louis remembers when they were labeled as something.

—x—

Many more kisses were shared between Louis and Zayn. Most were sweet, slow and gentle ones. But others would be with Louis pinned underneath Zayn and it consisted of their teeth and tongue clashing, and it was just downright messy and tough. But Louis loves them nonetheless.

What he doesn’t love too much, though, is the fact that he _still_ doesn’t know what him and Zayn are. They kiss, hug, cuddle and practically everything a couple does (besides the sex, Louis is actually taking this slow). But he’s still unsure because he’s still _Louis_ to Zayn and not ‘boyfriend’ or ‘boo’ or ‘baby.’ He’s just _Louis_ and it’s really starting to bug him because it’s been three months now.

But he doesn’t want to pick a fight over it because The B Flats are at their peak. They’ve got a meeting with a record labeling company, an _actual_ record labeling company who had apparently stopped by to see them perform one Saturday night. Louis can’t remember the name but it’s big and he knows it. He’s happy for Zayn too and he’s surprised when Zayn asks him to come along with the band for the meeting.

He can’t say no to that and especially not the pout Zayn gives while asking. But he can’t just say yes either. 

“It’s for the support,” Zayn tries to urge, holding Louis’ hand in his has he pulls him closer. They’re at Louis and Liam’s flat, in Louis’ room. They spend a lot of time there because Zayn never has food and it’s a bit annoying to be honest. “Please, Lou. I’ll give you a kiss.” Zayn’s eyes are shining a bit as he looks down at Louis and there is no way Louis can deny that. 

“Fine.” Louis sighs and he gets his kiss just like promised.

The next day they’re at some big building and Louis finds out it’s for Columbia Records and he’s shocked. But he’s proud more than anything. He’s never seen them look so professional either because they’re all in suits or something along the lines of it. 

Louis’ hand is clasped with Zayn’s and Zayn’s grip is impossibly tight so Louis can tell that he’s nervous. He kisses his cheek to calm him down and he visibly relaxes; his leg stops shaking and his body releases its unecessary tension. “You’ll do fine,” Louis whispers to him. Zayn just nods because he can believe Louis.

When their names are called they’re led to this large office and Zayn’s nervous again. Louis can feel it so he squeezes his hand and looks up at a sighing Zayn. Sighing himself, Louis leans on Zayn until some older man walks into the room, shaking all of their hands until he gets to Louis. 

“A fifth?” He questions, furrowing his eyebrows as he looks at Zayn. He’s clearly confused and Louis gulps because now he thinks he’s not supposed to be there. “I thought there was four of you,” the man adds.

Zayn manages a chuckle and shakes his head. “This is Louis.” And there it is again. Louis is just Louis. And he comes to the conclusion that Louis is all he’ll ever be. That the kisses and hugs and hand-holding never mattered because he’s just _Louis_ and that’s it. But then—“My boyfriend,” Zayn’s adding with a less nervous grin on his lips. “I brought him on for a bit of support. I hope that’s okay.”

A smile grows on Louis’ own lips and he looks at the man who appears to be skeptical but nods his head anyways. 

From then on, the meeting goes great. Louis has his hand in Zayn’s the whole time and they do a great job at winning the man over. By the end they’re promised a phone call and Louis can’t help but think that’s a good thing. 

When they’re set to leave, Harry, Nick and Danny decide to go back to their house while Louis’ busy dragging Zayn back to his flat. He’s buzzing with happiness because now he knows and he’s been waiting for this moment for a long time now. The look in Zayn’s eyes tells him that he wasn’t lying either. 

Once they’re home, Liam’s gone and Louis thanks whoever can hear him in his mind that Liam had to go to work that day. Louis tugs Zayn up to his room and instantly pushes him back on his bed. Zayn’s surprised; his eyes presumably widen and he wears this small, smug grin on his lips.

“Well,” he huffs, chuckling as Louis crawls ontop of him, straddling his waist. Zayn’s hands automatically grip Louis’ hips and the smile on Louis’ lips is making him worried because he’s really never seen him so happy. 

“So I’m your boyfriend now?” Louis finally speaks, his hands pressed to Zayn’s chest as he does so. 

Zayn snickers before he shrugs. He doesn’t know where this is coming from and Louis hits him for laughing. “Well, I guess,” Zayn answers seriously. He reaches up to card a hand through Louis’ hair, smiling softly up at him. “I thought that’s who you’ve been for a while,” he adds and shrugs again.

Louis’ silent for a second. He didn’t know this and the fact that Zayn’s just telling him this makes him pout. Zayn, of course, kisses the pout away, propped up on his elbows as he caresses Louis’ cheek gently. “Is that a problem?” He asks and Louis shakes his head, shoulders slumping.

“No, of course not,” he tells him and sighs. _Of course_ it’s not a problem but he just didn’t prepare himself for that today. “I just…didn’t know—I guess.” Louis looks at Zayn. Zayn’s smiling and he kisses Louis again, longer this time before he pulls back to peck his nose. 

“Well, now you do, boyfriend.” And Louis giggles, finally smiling again. That’s all it takes for them to be kissing again, humming into each other’s mouths as Zayn flips them over so he’s hovering over Louis. They stay like that for a while, just kissing each other with no other care in the world, until things get heated. 

There’s a few moans here and there before there’s a shredding of clothes and so much for going slow. Zayn praises Louis’ bare body then, making the older boy shiver while Zayn kisses down his chest, taking everything in that he never got to before. Hands roam the other’s newfound territory. They’re both throbbing hard and Louis urges Zayn to ‘hurry up and stop teasing.’

So then they’re there, Zayn’s prepping Louis for something much larger than his fingers. Everything’s so slow for Louis and he’s writhing on his bed sheets, hands searching for something to grip so it won’t involve hurting Zayn because he’s about to tear the bed sheets. The kisses that are being splayed across the inside of his thighs are making him whine and he’s ready for Zayn. He doesn’t care that it’ll hurt since the last time he had sex was more than four months ago.

It’s not long before Zayn’s entering him, hushing his whimpers of pain with warm kisses. Things are still slow and when Zayn starts moving, they get prolonged even more. It’s the first time Louis’ felt so alive though and with their breath mixing while their lips barely brush against each other, his body burns. He loves it though and after a while they both come with low groans of the other’s name.

They spend the rest of the night they laying wrapped in each other’s arms. Louis isn’t just Louis anymore and he’s in love with the idea. Just not Zayn (at least he tries to convince himself he’s not). And the second he thinks he’ll get there he pushes it away and just enjoys the moment. Because he’s not just _Louis_ anymore, he’s Zayn’s boyfriend, and he’s okay with that. More than okay.

—x—

Louis remembers their first real ‘morning after.’

—x—

From the first time Louis and Zayn had sex, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off of each other. Either it’s at Louis’ place or Zayn’s, but Louis’ more than ever because there’s three other guys living at Zayn’s house so somebody’s always there. But when they can, they squeeze it in and it’s all good.

They’ve gotten much closer than before and Louis really wants to get rid of the ‘I love you’ that lays on the tip of his tongue each time they come down from their highs. He’s never even dared saying it to any of his past boyfriends and he sometimes cringes when he says it to family members. So yeah, he’s scared a bit but not even that can run him away from Zayn. Zayn’s some sort of sun and he’s just the planet that orbits around him, but he doesn’t mind that at all. 

It’s a Sunday morning this time, two weeks or so since the meeting with Columbia Records and just a day since they’d called back. It was right before the concert when The B Flats found out that they got a gig at somewhere much bigger than Ranks, so the free concerts were done for. They were excited—estatic and after the concert Harry decided to take Liam out to celebrate with _just_ him. Nick and Danny went off by themselves, leaving Zayn to take Louis home where they had what Liam called ‘congratuwelldone sex’ just before Harry tugged him off. 

Normally, if one of them spent the night, they’d leave the next morning before the other could wake up just so they wouldn’t be a bother to the others in the house. They’d kiss the sleeping other’s cheek, leave a note and leave wordlessly by themselves.

Louis’ in the same position again, waking up in Zayn’s tight grip. He smiles to himself before trying to wiggle away from his sleeping boyfriend. He’s doing perfectly fine until he hears a muffled, “stay” and he’s being pulled back into Zayn’s arms. Swallowing thickly, he turns around to look at Zayn, who’s eyes are still closed and he appears to still be sleeping. Louis smiles softly and pecks his lips, curling into his arms.

“Thank you,” he hears Zayn whisper to him and he just nods in response. It’s the first time he’s ever stayed and he can’t wait for Zayn to stay at his own place. 

“Liam’s going to worry about me,” Louis says after a few long moments. Zayn opens his eyes and Louis can see the sleep swimming around in them along with amusment. 

“Liam’s here, babe,” Zayn informs him with a small chuckle. Louis furrows his brow and cocks his head into the pillow beneath him. Zayn nods as if hearing his unspoken question because he can just read Louis like that and it’s creepy if you ask Louis. But it’s okay with him. “Yeah. Harry brought him home last night after you fell asleep. You’re pretty lucky, actually, because I never knew Harry could scream like that,” he adds, snickering. “And I thought we were inconsiderate. But anyways, he’s in the kitchen making breakfast for us. I’ve been up for the past half hour waiting for you to wake up.”

Louis blushes faintly, sitting up so he’s looking down at Zayn. “Sorry, then,” he murmurs sheepishly and rubs his eyes like a small child. Zayn cooes and sits up himself before he leans over to press a kiss to Louis’ forehead. “I’m just surprised that you actually have food,” Louis says and grins gently at Zayn, who rolls his eyes and kicks the covers off the both of them. 

“Well, Nick went shopping the other night but with the way Danny’s eating, it won’t last long,” Zayn explains and hops off the bed. Louis follows, tugging on his boxers as Zayn does the same. They both meet at the door, lacing their fingers together slowly. After they share a brief kiss, they walk to the kitchen only to find Harry sitting on the counter with Liam inbetween his legs, their tongues halfway down each other’s throats. 

Louis stifles threatening laughter along with Zayn. Zayn clears his throat and the two break apart at the sound, both wearing cheeks that are flaming bright red. “Sorry,” Liam mutters bashfully and gets back to cooking while Harry looks away, hopping off the counter so he can help Liam.

Louis snickers at them before Zayn pulls him to sit down at the table, their hands still linked. They talk for a bit, just being silly with each other. It’s surprising that they still haven’t said ‘I love you’ to each other yet because if someone didn’t know they were just boyfriends, they’d think they were married. Louis likes to think that one day they will be, but that’s the side that isn’t scared. 

His scared side says he shouldn’t even be there, feeding Zayn food after it’s brought out to them and it thinks that he should have left anyways. But the other side is too strong and it’s okay with this. It’s okay with the way that they kiss between each bite. That side of Louis is glad he stayed for the morning and he plans on doing it again. 

—x—

Louis remembers when Zayn and him were no longer Louis and Zayn, but LouisandZayn with no questioning.

—x—

Columbia Records is the best thing that’s ever happened to The B Flats and the band as a whole can’t be happier. When their first, real gig comes around, Louis’ paying a lot of money for both himself and Liam to see them perform from the front row. He wants to be upset about it but he knows that this is the first concert that Zayn is actually getting paid for so he’ll give him this one time. 

When it’s the date of the actual event, everyone is pumped and excited. Louis and Liam manage to get backstage at the venue half an hour before it even starts. They see the band and they look nervous, huddled together as they talk about tonight’s performance. They’re not doing too many covers during the concert. They’ve got a few of their own songs to sing. Zayn had even written a couple when he had Louis on his mind and Louis thought they were the cutest things ever. 

They’d just practiced so much over the past two months and they’ve never been more prepared for something in their lives. When Zayn spots Louis backstage he smiles at him and Louis smiles back, watching as his boyfriend steps away from his band to come closer. 

“Hey,” Zayn says softly. His heart is racing and he’s not sure whether it’s because Louis’ there in utter perfection or because just outside there’s people filing in to see him perform. He goes with both because this is Louis and he always make his heart racket against his ribcage and because he’s living his dream, finally.

“Hi,” Louis replies just as Zayn sets his hand on his waist, pulling him closer so he can kiss him gently. They stay like that for a minute; just them with their lips pressed together sweetly, Zayn sucking in every ounce of ‘good luck’ that he knows Louis is sending him. Once they pull back, they smile at each other, sending one another silent messages of what nobody can really decipher. “You nervous?” Louis finally breaks the nice silence besides the murmurs and noises from all around them, but they don’t care about those because once they’re around each other, nothing else matters.

“Just a bit,” Zayn answers. Bringing a hand up, he brushes away some of the hair in Louis’ eyes so he can see the glistening, ocean colouring of them. It calms him down, and he’s grateful for that. “Somebody from the recording label is coming by to watch. If they like it, then we’ve got a contract coming our way.”

Louis beams at Zayn’s words because the pride he has _for_ him swells inside of himself. “That’s great, Zayn,” he tells him, still trying to process the fact that his boyfriend is actually getting somewhere other than inside of another man (he’s still angry about Niall, something like that never leaves a person). “I’m so proud of you, Z. I know you’ll do great, and I’ll be out there for y—”

He’s about to continue until a woman who looks a bit older (but she’s still really pretty) than them comes up with a kind smile plastered on her red with lipstick lips. “You’re Zayn Malik, right?” She asks. There’s a binder in her hands and she looks a bit too professional to be seeing a concert. But Zayn nods anyways and the woman sticks out her hand. “Cindy Fisher. I’m from Columbia Records and I’m just here to say good luck.”

Zayn smiles at Cindy and shakes her hand eagerly, his other arm still around Louis’ waist. “Thank you so much. This is a real honour to be performing for you,” he says. His smile’s only getting bigger and Louis loves seeing him so happy. 

“No—thank you. I’ve seen a few performances of your’s on the internet and I have to say that I’m already pretty impressed. I can’t wait to see you live,” Cindy says almost cheekily, wearing a small, thin smirk on her lips. Louis doesn’t like this, but he can’t be jealous so he just wraps his arms back around Zayn’s torso, letting himself melt into his side. “Are you a friend of his?” Cindy’s question is directed towards Louis now and he swallows down the need to snog Zayn right then and there.

“Boyfriend.” And it’s Zayn who answers for him because there he goes again with reading every single thing that Louis feels or thinks. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh—oh.” Cindy sounds surprised. Her smile falters only slightly and Louis can’t help but smirk as Zayn hugs him closer. “I bet he’s so happy for you. You must be so proud,” she says to Louis and he onlys hum, sending her the fakest smile he can because that’s exactly what her voice is giving off.

“We are proud,” Louis supplies but bites his lips right afterward. The word ‘we’ is making his gut twist in ways it shouldn’t because they’ve never been ‘we’ before. They always refer to themselves as ‘Zayn and Louis’ when they meet new people and not once have they said ‘we.’ He’s scared for a moment but that all washes away when Zayn presses a kiss to his temple. 

“We’re very happy, too,” Zayn adds with a smile. Cindy tries not to look upset and Louis can see exactly how hard she’s trying by the way her fingers curl around the edge of her binder and the way blood rises to her cheeks. 

“Alright then,” she nearly squeaks. “You boys do great out there. Good luck again, Zayn.” She smiles before walking out to take her place in the crowd.

Louis giggles when she’s gone and leans up to kiss Zayn. He’s happily returned with the kiss and he smiles against his boyfriend’s lips. Pulling away, he’s about to speak before Liam’s hand is around his wrist, tugging him away as he complains that they’re going to lose their spots. So Louis blows Zayn one last kiss for good luck, specially from him and not some too-much-lipstick-wearing woman. 

Louis and Liam get their front row spots and when the concert starts with Zayn this time instead of Harry, Louis’ a bit surprised. And when Zayn introduces them as The B Flats and says, “We’re so happy to be here!” while scanning the crowd until he meets Louis’ eye in the front row, then adds, “ _We’re_ really happy,” Louis knows that ones for him. He knows that they’re not just together anymore, but that they’re _together_.

—x—

Louis remembers when he noticed that he stopped caring about his appearance infront of Zayn.

—x—

The concert had gone great. The venue was full and The B Flats gave it their all. Louis had never been so happy for someone in his life. They went out to celebrate that night with high hopes that they’d get everything they dreamed of. Louis even ended up giving Zayn what he called a 'goodjob-blowjob' in the bathroom of the club they went to. It wasn’t the best place to do it, but they’d been grinding on each other for half the night and Zayn wasn’t in the best state to go on with an erection in his jeans.

But that’s behind them and Zayn still gets off to the thought when Louis isn’t around to help him out. It’s another Saturday though but just like for the past few weeks, The B Flats don’t have a gig at Ranks and Louis thinks they’re starting to miss them because he sure misses it there himself. Instead, they’re just patiently awaiting another phone call from Columbia Records.

And since there’s no concert that night, Louis’ on his way to Zayn’s place for a lazy night. Danny and Nick are off somewhere and Liam’s taking Harry off for a night out. Despite the fact that Zayn’s bound to have nothing to serve Louis, he’s still going to his because he likes it there. It’s got more of a home-y feeling than his own place.

It all feels different, too, when he gets there, embraced by Zayn’s arms the second the door is opened. There’s more than the home-y feeling and it feels like it’s _his_ home too. He knows it’s not but he can’t help but think it is. Louis wants to question it, but refrains from doing so. 

It’s less than five minutes before they’re cuddled on the couch, Grease popped into the DVD player and it turns out that Zayn has popcorn to serve him along with a few cans of beer. They don’t even pay attention to the movie though because half of the time they’re doing these cute little things like messing with each other’s hair or Louis’ll be nibbling on Zayn’s ear just to bug him. There’s giggling involved, and a lot of kissing; whether it’s on the cheek or nose or lips or neck, they’re doing it. But sooner or later, Louis breaks the silence.

“Is it—different now?” He asks Zayn just as Danny and Sandy are driving away from the carnival grounds and into the sky. Zayn quirks his brow, looking down at Louis with a small smile.

“Well, no,” he says before shrugging. “I mean, the movie never changes. It’s still got this unrealistic, yet cheesy and cute ending but you know. I guess if you think it’s diff—” 

Louis hits his shoulder to cut him off because Zayn’s laughing by the end of his little speech, but he’s laughing too, rolling his eyes. “I mean, us. Here. It feels different, doesn’t it?” He asks again, his teeth digging marks into his lower lip. He doesn’t know what Zayn will say because if he doesn’t know the answer to his own question, how can he expect Zayn to?

“The atmosphere?” Zayn suggests and sits up so Louis can just rest his head in his lap. Louis nuzzles his head into Zayn so it’s fit snug and comfortable. “If that’s what you mean, then yeah. It’s different.”

Louis cocks his head to the side, looking up at Zayn just as Zayn runs a hand through his feathery hair. “Well, we’re both different,” Zayn adds and grins softly. “You’re a lot more…casual than usual.” And maybe it takes Zayn to notice it first but when Louis looks down he figures out that Zayn is right. He’s got on a pair of sweats and an oversized sweatshirt of Zayn’s that he’d left at his place one day and Louis doesn’t even _remember_ putting this on. Usually, he’d spend at least an hour getting ready to see Zayn, but today he took no more than ten minutes. 

“And you realized this?” Louis questions, looking back up and snickering. Zayn nods his head while he laughs along.

“I realize everything about you. And the other Louis is what I call Fancy Louis,” Zayn tells Louis, making him giggle. Zayn really likes when he can make Louis laugh because he knows he’s doing something right. “This is a new Louis. I like this Louis, a lot.”

Louis smiles at Zayn coyly. “Well, thanks,” he murmurs. He can’t help but like this Louis too because Zayn does. He’s much more comfortable too, and since he didn’t take too long to get ready, he has more time to be with Zayn. He finally gets that he doesn’t have to dress like a movie star to impress Zayn but just that he has to be himself. He really likes this and thinks he’ll stay like this for quite some time. If Zayn likes it, he does too.

—x—

Louis also remembers his and Zayn’s first real fight.

—x—

Cindy Fisher apparently wasn't done with The B Flats. It’s about two weeks since their first, real concert and they’ve finally got a call. But they’re not done yet. Another meeting is in order, but instead of in a big, cordial office, Cindy suggested that they go somewhere casual. Like a bar. Of _course_ the boys agreed. They’d go anywhere if there was booze and a way to get a contract with Columbia Records. 

But then Zayn certainly has to drag Louis along and he teases Harry for not doing the same with Liam. Louis says yes because he’d rather not have Zayn around Cindy Fisher for a whole night when there’s alcohol involved. And he expects everything to go well. Maybe he’d be a little frisky to show that Zayn was his and maybe he’d even give him a handjob underneath the table. He expects Cindy to get the hint.

He _doesn’t_ expect for him to be squished against the window in a booth with all of Harry, Nick and Danny on that side too while Zayn is all alone with Cindy on the other. Cindy tries to say she didn’t expect Louis to be there so she expected to be all alone on one side but since she wasn’t, she has to seperate the only two people that actually want to sit next to each other. Louis’ boiling on the inside because this girl is just _asking_ for it. But he can’t show how mad he is; for Zayn’s sake. 

“I’m so glad you guys could make it tonight,” she had said once everything was settled (to her). Louis keeps sending Zayn daggers with his eyes because he’s trying to tell him that he could have fixed this. He knows he could have and it’s ridiculous that he didn’t even try. The anger building inside of Louis only rises when Zayn _shrugs_ in response.

The ‘meeting’ goes on. Except that The B Flats don’t even seem like The B Flats anymore. It seems like The Zayn Flat because Louis doesn’t hear the others speak not once during the meeting, and Harry’s the fucking lead singer. This so called meeting also consists of Cindy and Zayn dipping their hands underneath the table a lot and Louis’ fuming by the time Zayn’s goes under and never comes back up even though Cindy’s does. He wants to go and scream and maybe even cry a bit because he’s never been that strong no matter how hard he tries to say he is. But his ears are burning and Nick seems to sense his uneasiness because he’s sitting right next to him.

Nick tries to send him a smile but he’s very weak when it comes to sending it back. Nick squeezes his knee under the table and keeps it there for a bit and Louis wonders if Zayn notices this like he’s been the whole entire night. He really hopes he does because it’s only fair. 

By the end of this meeting, Louis feels sick. He wants to go home and he’s kind of resentful over the fact that he came with them and left his car at home. When they’re all out of the booth, Louis doesn’t miss the way Cindy wiggles a bit before rucking her skirt down. He really shouldn’t think too much of it, but he’s a bit upset right now. But they all say their goodbyes and when Zayn tries to snake his arm around Louis’ waist, he just walks away with a sigh out to the car. Zayn’s confused but he follows anyways along with the rest. 

The car ride to their house is silent and Louis thinks the rest are a bit mad at Zayn too. They all seem a bit irritated because since when did Zayn take care of everything? They don’t say anything though and when they get home, the three of them say they’re going for a walk to cool off since it was so hot in the car. 

Louis really wants to go with, but he knows Zayn will try to tag along, so he doesn’t do that. Instead, he just huffs and walks inside without Zayn. Zayn scampers after him, shutting the door behind him just in time to hear Louis say coldly, “Have fun on your date tonight?”

Zayn looks at him quizzically. Louis’ arms are crossed and he would have let this go if the other boys were here. But they aren’t and so it’s a perfect time to let Zayn know that he’s not the happiest camper in the world. But Zayn’s confused and he doesn’t know why Louis’ even acting like this (even though he should). “Lou, what’re you going on about?” He asks and steps closer to his boyfriend.

“What I’m going on about,” Louis starts and tries so hard not to full on glare at Zayn, “is the fact that you were practically inviting that woman into your pants with a steaming cup of tea to go along with it.” And he’s much angrier now that he’s remembering all the giggling and touching that’d been involved that night. The stuff that _he_ and Zayn usually do together. 

“ _What_ ,” Zayn seethes and folds his own arms over his chest. He can’t believe the words coming out of Louis’ mouth. “I was _not_ at all inviting Cind into my pants,” he says sternly and Louis gapes at him.

“Cind? So she’s Cind now? What’s next? Cupcake? Cutiepie? I like the name _Cunt_ , how about you, Zayn?” Louis shoots back and he’s nearly infuriated with Zayn. He doesn’t care about the death glare he’s receiving from the younger boy because he should’ve thought about his actions before playing them out.

But Zayn’s still not having this. “Louis, what the hell is up with you?” He asks incredulously before stepping closer again. “You’re acting like an absolute twat right now. Calm down and take a breather.” And Louis scoffs.

“I’m the twat? Okay, maybe I am, but at least I wasn’t fingering a woman I barely even know underneath the table for a fucking contract,” he hisses and now he’s outraged. How dare Zayn even say he’s the twat here. Maybe he is, but he has valid reasoning.

“I wasn’t fucking fingering her, you idiot!” Zayn actually yells this time because he’s about as fuming as Louis right now and he’s not as good as hiding it. “I was being friendly to help the _band_ get the contract,” he huffs.

“ _Friendly?_ ” Louis doesn’t know whether to be hurt or mad by this point. He just shakes his head though and pulls his phone out. “Well if that was friendly then we might as well be acquaintances, Zayn, because you won’t even dare touching me like that in public unless we’re in a grimy toilet.” 

“Put the fucking phone down, we’re not done talking.” Zayn scolds Louis, completely ignoring his statement. “You need to stop being so clingy, that’s what this is about. She’s just a damn friend, stop being so jealous.”

Louis looks daggers at Zayn and steps forward so their breath is close to mixing angrily. “You know _damn_ well that I have every ounce of good reasoning for this,” he spits coldly, his voice just low enough to send a child down Zayn’s spine as he swallows thickly. “You know that I’ve been cheated on before and you know that I’m not as strong as I put myself out there to be. I tell you these things for a reason, Zayn, and I don’t expect you to use them as weaponry against me. So you know what,” Louis shakes his head, chuckling dryly as he steps away from Zayn to the door, “fuck you.” 

And with that, he’s gone. He walks home, leaving a guilty Zayn in the middle of his living room. He gets home to find Liam on the couch, watching television. Liam tries to greet him kindly but when he sees the broken look on Louis’ face, he shrinks down and watches as Louis lugs his way to his room. 

Louis really doesn’t like how the night went. He can’t think of a person that would. And maybe it was a stupid fight—a really, stupid fight, but it was their first and he didn’t expect it to go so bad. He tries to sleep that night, but can’t. He knows that now is not the best time to fall asleep mad at someone and he can practically hear his phone telling him to call Zayn.

And he’s about to, at one in the morning, when a body tumbles through the window he accidently left open. He gets scared for a moment before he hears a familiar grunt. The person rises from the ground, obviously in a bit of discomfort. Louis tucks his knees to his chest, trying to extinguish his threatening laughter. The stranger isn’t really a stranger and Louis knows that it’s Zayn because he’s standing up straight and look at Louis with guilt-filled eyes.

“Louis,” Zayn says gently and steps forward, patting himself free of dust. “I’m so, terribly sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean to get so mad and I didn’t mean to be such a fucking prick. I just forgot for a bit about what you’d been through and when you left I thought you’d be gone for good and I can’t have that because you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in _years_ so please, if you can, for—” 

Zayn’s so caught up in what he’s saying to Louis that he didn’t even notice when Louis got up and approached him until he felt familiar lips against his, effeciently shutting him up. His arms instinctively slither around Louis’ waist while he kisses back until the lips are gone and he opens his eyes to see the cerulean ones he’s grown so accustomed to. “—give me,” he finishes in a whisper.

And Louis just nods because he can’t stay mad at Zayn. He knew he couldn’t from the second he left his house so he decides that he won’t pick fights anymore with small whisper of, “I’m sorry too.”

—x—

Louis remembers the first time he actually did something for Zayn.

—x—

Louis and Zayn patch themselves up with a bit of make up sex and Zayn promises that he won’t be touchy with anyone but Louis. Louis believes him, but just to make sure he keeps strong on the promise, he spends a lot more time at Zayn’s house than his own, curled into his lap while they share sweet words and kisses.

But there’s still the downfall of them having to cut the toothepaste tube open to get at least a single clump, or pouring the cereal before they find out there’s no milk. There’s never food in the fridge, and if there is, Louis’ not sure if it’s edible or not so he’s not taking the chance of food poisoning. 

Fortunately, The B Flats got their first paycheck for the gig they did three weeks prior. It’s a good thing too because they just ran out of the money in Harry’s trustfund, but now a few of them are going to have to get side jobs. But since they’ve got this bit of money, as payback for the previous week, they send Zayn to do the grocery shopping even though he’s pretty comfortable with Louis in his arms while they lounge on the couch. 

Before Zayn can even ask Louis to tag along though, he’s already off the couch and grabbing the keys to the old Buick outside. Zayn just smiles and follows him because now they can both read other like that and he likes it. 

The trip to the local supermarket (Jon’s Market is a name Louis really wants to make fun of) is short and when they get in there, Louis figures out that Zayn is completely hopeless. First off, he grabs two carts instead of one, so Louis fixes that and just takes over it fully. But Zayn is kind enough to assist him in pushing the cart by pressing his chest to Louis’ back, placing his hands over his while they walk in sync.

Then Zayn’s destined on getting every junk food he can get his hands on that Louis only has to take out of the cart right after it’s put in because unlike Zayn, he’s a smart shopper. Thankfully, Zayn doesn’t see when Louis puts the things he chooses back on the shelf. And even when Zayn puts things in like _olives_ and _sun-dried tomatoes_ , Louis has to put them back because he knows nobody in the house likes either of those things.

“Louis, we need bread,” Zayn complains after thirty minutes of shopping and Louis feels like a damn mother looking after her child, stopping him from getting the toys he knows he can’t get. 

“Then go get bread. Let me finish getting the other things you guys need,” Louis deadpans and continues to push the cart. He hears Zayn whine but knows he listens anways when it’s followed by the slow, reluctant drag of feet. 

He continues getting the necessary stuff; toothepaste, deodorant (which is a _desperate_ need in Harry's case most of the time), shampoo—the basics. He thinks he’s done until he comes across a sales rack, stocked with packs of silverware and plates. They’re going for £10 and Louis thinks it’s a good deal, and they’re cute too, with little designs of flowers or dolphins on them. But he doesn’t think Zayn will accept it if he puts it down when they’re ready to pay. And he’s also never bought anything for Zayn unless it was a pack of gum or something. 

But then he really wants to get this for Zayn, because they’re cheap, look sturdy, and because Zayn’s house is the only place he’s ever heard, “get me the spoon” instead of, “get me _a_ spoon” where as _a spoon_ at least means there’s more than one spoon. It’s a tough decision to make, but he doesn’t have time to think before he’s paying for it before Zayn can get back (he’s pretty sure he’s lost) to him. 

Louis ties the bag, double-knotted, before he hides it beneath the food he hasn’t bought yet. When Zayn gets back with the bread, he kisses him and inwardly grins to himself as Zayn sets everything on the conveyor belt. Before Zayn can finish setting everything on it, Louis sneaks the silverware away so he can tuck it into the already bagged items.

Louis’ lucky that Zayn doesn’t suspect a thing.

But when they get everything home and unpack every bag, Zayn finds the silverware first, tightly secured in it’s bag and he knows Louis tied it. He looks over at his boyfriend, who’s sticking milk into the fridge and grins. 

“Louis?” He calls and Louis brings his head out with a hum, smiling until he sees what Zayn’s holding up. He blushes then and bites his lip. “What’s this, Lou?”

Louis wants to hit the smirk off Zayn’s face but he shrugs instead and walks forward. “I don’t know,” he lies right through his teeth.

“I think you do.” Zayn tears open the bag and pulls out the packaged silverware and plates and Louis immediately regrets it because he bought him _silverware_. He rolls his eyes next, folding his arms over his chest as Zayn walks closer. “Aw, Lou. They’re so cute. They’ve got little flowers all over them! I know why you did this—you love me.” Zayn only grins wide, opening his arms for a hug which Louis doesn’t go in to. “C’mon, Lou, you l _ooo_ ve me and you know it. That’s why you got me silverware, Boo.”

Louis hits Zayn’s chest at the use of the nickname he strictly told him _not_ to use but he can’t help but accept the hug. He doesn’t admit that he loves him though, but he doesn’t think he has to because obviously, Zayn already knows.

—x—

Louis remembers when he realized that Zayn was the one.

—x—

The B Flats got the contract they’ve always dreamed of. And they’re not even The B Flats anymore and they have a new name for people to fall in love with; Four’s Company. Louis likes to argue with Zayn over which one’s better because he wants to date the Zayn that performed at Ranks in a band called The B Flats infront of a small crowd, singing covers of songs by The Fray, or Coldplay or even Stevie Wonder. Not the Zayn that’ll be performing infront one thousand people pretty soon, compared to one hundred. 

But Zayn always reassures him that he’s still there and that he’ll never leave, sealing the promise with a kiss. Louis always sighs but nods, now waiting for the day that Zayn won’t be there all the time to hold him. And even Liam’s the same way and he knows they’ll both end up cuddled together, drowning in nostalgia whenever Four’s Company is gone. 

Louis’ proud nonetheless, though, and he stays up all night to help Zayn when he’s trying to write a new song for the band while Harry and Liam are in the room over doing the same. And they’re happy that way and they try not to think of the fact that they’ll have an _album_ when the time comes. 

But it’s okay. Louis will be okay and he’s sure of it. Even as he watches Zayn’s face scrunch in concentration while he scribbles down the lyrics to a song that might be number one on the charts in seven countries. He’s not sure but he admires Zayn silently because this is what he’s always wanted and Louis’ just now realizing he’s always wanted this for Zayn too. 

It’s crazy how just a few months ago Louis was telling Zayn that he wasn’t his type and now he just wants to tell him to stop doing what he’s doing so that he can stay with his arms around him forever. 

And then he’s not so scared anymore because forever is calming him down. He sees a forever with Zayn and he’s syked about the idea. He wants, needs, a forever with Zayn because when Niall left him he didn’t think he’d ever get one. And yeah, it’s fast. But he realizes that he just might want to spend the rest of his life with Zayn.

When Zayn looks up from his notepad, he sees how deep in thought that Louis looks and nudges him. “Hey,” he says softly and grabs his hand, relishing the soft feeling of his hand in his rough, caloused one. “You okay?”

All Louis does is nod, smiling at Zayn. The scared side of him that he had before seems to have left and as he lays his head by Zayn’s knee, letting Zayn’s hand slowly run through his hair, he gets that it’s okay to want a forever and that it’s okay to fall in love as long as someone’s there to catch him.

He _knows_ Zayn’s there to make sure he never even touches the ground.

—x—

Louis remembers when he finally got those three little words out to Zayn.

—x—

Four’s Company is off to London. It’s been six months since the first concert at Ranks and Louis’ not prepared for it and they’re not going to be too far, but Louis doesn’t want Zayn to leave. But the band has a few meetings a couple of gigs so they can spread the word about them. And as much as Louis and Liam don’t want them to leave, they help them pack anyways. 

Zayn’s a bit upset too because he usually has Louis to wake up to and this is going to be different. Despite the fact that they’re only gone for a few weeks, they’ve never been too far from each other. They’re both a bit sad but they know they can cope. 

But things are a bit harder when they’re putting the last things into the SUV they rented for the weeks they’re away and Liam’s kissing the life out of Harry as if it’ll make him stay for a little longer. Louis’ doing the exact opposite, hugging Danny and Nick good bye first because he knows Zayn will be the hardest to do. When he finally gets to him and smiles sadly. It’s not like the world is ending, because it’s not, but he’s never been the best at goodbye’s. 

“Three weeks,” is the first thing Louis says to Zayn once the trunk is closed. He tries to smile a bit wider because he knows Zayn will be back soon and he knows he’ll be happy when it happens. 

But Zayn senses that he’s not so okay and pulls him into a tight hug. Louis hugs back instantly. They stay like that for a while, just embracing each other like it _is_ the end of the world. 

“I’ll miss you,” Louis finally whispers and Zayn nods. Louis knows that means he’ll miss him too. And there it is again. That ‘I love you’ is right on the tip of his tongue and he hates himself for it but not as much as he did three months ago. It’s more because he promised himself he’d never fall in love and even though he told Zayn this, he needs to say it now, before Zayn goes away. And so he does; “I love you, Zayn,” leaving his lips in the faintest voice that he’s ever spoken with. 

When Zayn doesn’t say it back, he thinks that Zayn didn’t hear him. But when Nick is calling Zayn into the car because they’re all already in there and Liam’s outside the driver’s side, his lips still attatched to Harry’s, Zayn pulls away from the hug to kiss Louis slowly, sweetly. 

And just before he gets into the back seat he looks at Louis with a small smile that, for once, Louis can’t read. He nods once before whispering just loud enough for Louis to hear: “I know.”

—x—

Louis remembers when forever was guaranteed.

—x—

The three weeks that Zayn was gone with the band were good, Louis guesses. They talked a lot over the phone so at least they stayed in contact. But when Four’s Company comes back, Louis learns that they started recording a new single and Louis’ never been so happy for them so far. And the day Zayn gets back, Louis makes sure to give him the best ‘welcome back blowjob’ ever. 

And they go one from there, like Zayn never left. The months go on and when a whole year has passed ever since Louis met Zayn, Four’s Company’s got a new, recorded single on their hands.

When Louis listens to it for the first time, he plans on only seeking out Zayn’s voice because it’s two in the morning and Zayn had just fallen through his window with it in his hands in flashdrive form. Except when he plugs it into his laptop along with his headphones, it’s not just a song. It’s a slideshow too. And it’s not even a Four’s Company song because Louis recognizes it as one by Stevie Wonder (he’d done some major research that first night just in case it ever got brought up again, but he swears it wasn’t to impress Zayn).

The slideshow consists of the stupidest pictures of himself and Zayn that he’s ever seen but they’re still cute. Most were taken by Harry and Liam and most have Zayn sleeping with Louis curled ontop of his chest. Louis feels Zayn’s hands on his shoulders as the music fills his ears. It’s not as upbeat as the original but he likes it.

And then Zayn’s voice is filling his ears instead of Stevie Wonder’s. A soft, slow _for once in my life, I have someone who needs me_ is sang gently. Louis feels his heart beat pick up in speed because he doesn’t know what’s happening but he loves it the more the music and slideshow go on. He tries to look back at Zayn but Zayn forces his eyes to stay on the screen. 

The slideshow continues and he’s biting his lip by the middle of it because Zayn’s putting a bit more feeling into the song when he sings _for once, I can say, ‘this is mine, you can’t take it.’_ And then he swears that when the slideshow stops, his heart does along with it because as Zayn drawls out the last note of the song, the words “marry me” are splayed across the screen.

Zayn’s hands have left his shoulders and it’s a second later when he sees a silver ring infront of himself while one of his earbuds is being pulled out. He can hear his heart in his ears now but that’s soon covered by a whispered, “How ‘bout it?” 

Years ago, Louis never saw himself getting married or even proposed to. He didn’t believe in love, is a simple way to put it. But now that he’s standing up to turn around and look at Zayn, his heart is racing in a good way, galloping in his chest as cups the other’s cheeks. “I love you,” is all he whispers and because Louis and Zayn have this weird way of reading each other like they’ve know one another all their lives, Zayn takes it as a huge _yes_ And then he finds himself muttering back, “I know.”

And it’s just like months ago where they’re just kissing until somehow they’re on Louis’ bed, stripping off their clothes until they’re bare before each other. There’s praises here and there, kisses being splattered all across their bodies. They lazily stroke each other’s erections as they kiss, tongues and all.

Louis’ murmuring soft litanies of, “Yes, yes, yesyesyes,” into Zayn’s mouth and that grows when Zayn preps him slowly. The three fingers that Zayn pushes into Louis are curling and spreading until they’re gently prodding at Louis’ prostate in just a way that gets his back to arch off the bed. 

Zayn mouths at Louis’ neck up until the moment he has to lube up his throbbing cock before he’s pushing it inside of his new fiancé. The room’s heat is making Louis burn and the light from his laptop is the only thing that allows him to see the determination on Zayn’s face as he guides his own way into him. And he knows just when to start moving because Louis squirms and the second he does, Louis is whimpering.

Soothing kisses are littered across Louis’ collarbones as Zayn thrusts, searching for the spot that’ll send Louis into pure bliss. 

“Zayn,” is whispered in Louis’ small voice and he returns it in a moan. It’s just like this for a while until Louis finds his nails scraping down Zayn’s back, Zayn’s thrusts having gone out of rhthym. Thoughts of how he even got here roam through Louis’ clouded mind but they’re all swept away when he comes with a squeak of Zayn’s name, and it’s only a moment later when he feels Zayn’s hot load warm his body, listening to the soft grunts that escape past his lips. 

And it’s just like the first time. Zayn falls besides Louis and Louis buries himself in Zayn’s arms. They whisper sweet nothing’s to each for a while before Louis looks up at the man he knows he’s _in_ love with, but won’t admit it. 

“I love you, you know,” he says quietly and Zayn chuckles. Louis knows what he’s going to say before he actually says it, but it’s like a ritual for them now so he closes his eyes before he can. 

But the last thing he hears before he falls asleep is, “I love you too.”

—x—

Louis does remember. He remembers everything and he’s glad he does. Sometimes he wonders if Zayn ever remembers too when he leaves Louis alone at home so he can go perform for half the world with his best friends. But he knows he does, because they can read each other like that, so every time he sees Zayn on T.V. or on the internet, he knows who he’s thinking of. And it’s him.

He likes to know that when everything’s through, Zayn will be coming home to him so he can tell him that he loves him for every second of the day. But for now, all he can do is twist the gold band on his finger as he listens to Zayn’s soft breathing from the other end of his phone he has pressed between his ear and pillow. He says, “I love you,” in a lazy voice because it’s only late evening in Los Angeles where Zayn is (and Louis really hopes Danny’s having quite the time), and Zayn knows that it’s an ungodly hour where Louis is back at home. 

So Zayn smiles to himself—and it’s like Louis can hear it creeping over his lips because he’s doing the same—before replying with the most gentle, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on tumblr somewhere [here](http://lirriy.tumblr.com) and thank you to everyone who listened to me whine and stuck through it with me. I love you guys :~)


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